thank you. :]

Throughout my life i have been scared of letting people in. I have gone through so much pain and happiness in my life that I didn't know who i was. There was this one group of girls that i used to do everything with. I thought this was where i belonged. they were considered to be "popular" and i felt great with them. But i knew being one of them wasn't who i was. They didnt fit my personality. I knew there was a part of me that was missing. I was never "myself" around them no matter how hard i tried to convince myself that they were my friends. But then they all started to turn on me. One by one they humiliated me and enjoyed the way i would dread sitting with them at lunch. It's not like i wanted to sit there, i just had no other place to go. They all stared at me watching me eat. I remember me sitting at the lunch table trying to hold back the tears. I promised my self i wouldn't let them see the pain they were causing me. One girl said something to me but i blocked it out of my head. Then they all started to laugh. And rumors started to spread. I used to sit in the guidance conference room by myself sometimes and cry. They came up with a "HATE LIST" about me. And told people to sign it. Of course people did because they were intimated by my "so-called friends". The girls who were supposed to cheer me up and tell me everything would be alright. But no. Not these girls.

I was confused on who were my real friends and who were just using me for their own excitement. Eventually my eyes opened up to reality and i realized that no one can be sure if they have these so called "true friends". I know for a fact that i don't have any. So instead i settled with the people who treated me with respect. At this point of my life i was so insecure and desperate to find a friend that i would choose anyone who would say hi to me. I finally asked another group of girls if i can sit with them at lunch. girls i never really talked too. And soon enough those girls became my best friends.

So all i want to say is thank you to the girls who tried to ruin my life. Thank you for forcing me to open up my eyes to reality. I remember a time when i believed that every person was good and they meant no harm. I remember a time when i used to trust everyone. But not anymore and i thank you for that. Without the humiliation you gave me, i wouldnt be as strong and confident as i am today. You made me care less of what others think of me. You also motivated me to work my ass off in everything i do because i realized thats how you get respect. So thank you. When i was friends with you, i was weak. Now that i'm free from you, i feel like i can take on the world all by myself. So i guess you can say you made me into a bitch, but being a bitch is how you survive in this world. So thank you for helping me grow up.

so i don't know if you really accomplished what you wanted to do to me, but either way, i am grateful. i guess.