mushed up thoughts. aka. VENTING!!

Everybody needs to give me a break. I'm running around doing everything for everybody but myself. And still I don't get the appreciation I deserve.

I go through sleepless nights, and long hard mornings.

I go home wanting to sleep so badly but remember i have homework i don't even wind up doing.

My life at the moment is PATHETIC

People need to understand that I AM A PERSON!

I have a life of my own and I have feelings.

I want to feel wanted.

I want to feel loved.

I want to feel like I belong.

But nobody seems to give a shit about me, so why do i still care about them?

I feel like i dont even know who i am.

My dream is to become an actress, or a writer, or even a director.

To have that kind of control over my creativity just astonishes me.

I dont want to live an average life.

I want to make it all it's worth.

And when i die i want people to remember my name.

To pass down my fragments of imagination to their grand-children

Or to have a big picture of me plastered on their wall.

Nobody knows this is my dream, my goal

Not even my parents

A part of me is afraid to tell them

I am afraid of making them disappointed

Afraid they will discourage me

Tell me it will never work

So whenever i talk to them i put an invisible mask over my head

I hide my dream and pretend i would rather be an english teacher because it involves "writing"

I dread putting that mask over my face because i hate how i have to hide myself from the world

I want to be open

to be free

to openly express my feelings to the public without being judged.

I wish everyone in the world would be this free.

I believe that if nobody judged anyone just for a day, it would be the day that nobody died.

I am going to make a difference in this world

I am going to make people know who i am and remember my name

then i shall gain my respect for the goodness of others